My name is Jessica and I have a sugar addiction. I used to have the strongest willpower when it came to resisting a treat, but now if someone sticks a bag of peanut M&Ms in my face I nearly break their fingers snatching it out of their hands. I know that it is basically poison, and that if I stop eating it entirely I will lose weight and feel so much better. But, a life without the occasional treat sounds just awful! Watching the Globes the other night I looked at all of the impossible bodies belonging to starlets and models decked out in the (mostly) beautiful gowns. As I took a bite of chocolate ice cream (I allowed myself 4 spoonfuls: control issues, anyone?) I thought to myself that those women probably do not allow themselves even ONE spoonful of ice cream. I know, I know, they also have private chefs and personal trainers who kick their asses for two and a half hours every day. But, why can't I just say "no"? The only thing I think about more than my daughter is about how much weight I want to lose and how I am going to do it. I sign up for crazy classes and read health articles and try to prepare the healthiest food possible with our budget and time constraints. Why am I not skinny yet? I know why. It's because it's a huge lifestyle overhaul that I am not prepared to actually commit to in a tangible way. Having a baby wrecked havoc on my body, and while I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I still have 20 pounds to lose before I am where I really need to be. I have my dresses catorgorized as "Fit Now"; "Will Fit in Two Months, Fingers Crossed"; and "Will Probably Never Fit But Goddamnit I am Keeping It Anyway". I am lucky in that I am well-proportioned so I gain and lose weight all over, most people can't tell that I could stand to lose 20 whole pounds. But, here's the rub: 5 years ago I did weigh 20 pounds less. Know what I wanted to do? Lose 10. OBSESSION. When does it end? And, more importantly, how am I going to avoid passing this insanity down to my daughter? I plan on doing the following things to do as much damage control as possible:

1) Do not talk about my weight, ever. Resist saying things like "Mommy feels fat." or "These pants don't fit because Mommy ate that chocolate cake last night!".

2) Do not reward myself or her with food. That is a major issue that I have which I am very conscious of now.

3) Do not tease her about weight even in jest. I had adults do this to me growing up (I was skinny by every measure) and I can't tell you how much it impacted me.

I am going to try the 17 day diet because I have heard amazing things about it. I will likely break down for a treat by day 12, but at least I will have tried. Right?